Single best pro Patriots rant ever

Single best pro Patriots rant ever


Those of you that read Reddit may have already seen this, but if you haven't this is worth a few minutes of your life. The single best pro Patriots rant I've ever read:

Edit

And I am ready for the game on Sunday.

smg93 said:

Edit

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About 2/3rds the way down..

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS TRASH TALK THREAD • /r/nfl

Bill Belichick edit:

We're on to oblivion

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RelocatedPatFan said:

About 2/3rds the way down..

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS TRASH TALK THREAD • /r/nfl

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Thanks, see it now.

This one is even funnier:

HEY PATRIOTS, DO YOU KNOW WHY EVERYONE HATES YOU? IT'S NOT REALLY THE CHEATING. IT'S NOT REALLY ALL THE MASSHOLES IN YOUR ****ING PRIVILEGED, ECHO-CHAMBER, BRIGADE VOTING, WHINY, SELF-ABSORBED FANBASE. IT ISN'T EVEN YOUR CONTINUED SUCCESS, AS SUCH. ALL THAT **** IS SUPER ****ING ANNOYING, NO QUESTION.

BUT HERE'S WHY PEOPLE REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU: YOU JUST KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT.

• YOUR BEST RECEIVER ISN'T SOME IMPOSING ATHLETIC FREAK WITH STICKEM HANDS. HE'S A SHIFTY LITTLE **** WHO SOME OF US COULD PROBABLY BEAT UP IN A BAR FIGHT. AND HE'S THE SECOND GENERATION OF SHIFTY LITTLE ****S TO DO THIS FOR YOU (YOU WERE GREAT, WES, BUT YOU ARE/WERE A SHIFTY LITTLE ****).
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU TRADE DOWN IN THE DRAFT AND PICK UP ****WADS FROM ITT TECH OR SOME **** AND YET THEY CONTRIBUTE RIGHT AWAY, AND ARE ALMOST NEVER A BUST.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU DUCT TAPE TOGETHER JOURNEYMEN AND OTHER TEAMS' CAST OFFS INTO A FORMIDABLE DEFENSE. ON ANY OTHER TEAM NINKOVICH IS ONE OF ABOUT THREE WHITE GUYS IN ROTATION, BUT ON THE PATRIOTS OF COURSE HE'S A GODDAMN PLAYMAKER.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU IGNORE THE WIDE RECEIVER POSITION, OPTING TO PICK UP SOME RANDOM **** FACE WHO OF COURSE SUDDENLY BECOMES A VITAL OR AT LEAST USEFUL WEAPON FOR YOU. I MEAN: BRANDON LA FELL—ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME? TELL YOU WHAT: AFTER WE CUT BUBBA CALDWELL NEXT YEAR, YOU TAKE HIM, AND TURN HIM INTO AN ALL PRO, BECAUSE ****ING OF COURSE YOU WILL.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU PROMOTE SOME DIPSHIT FROM THE PRACTICE SQUAD TO STARTING RB, FOR ONE GAME ONLY, IN WHICH HE'LL GET 200 ALL PURPOSE YARDS JUST WHEN YOU NEED HIM TO.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR, EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR DIVISION ACCUMULATES BETTER TALENT, AND PROCEEDS TO THEN TRIP OVER THEIR OWN FLOPPY ****S ON THEIR WAY TO 9-7 OR 7-9.
  

I CAN'T ****ING STAND IT. EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS LEAGUE HAS TO FIGHT TOOTH AND CLAW TO GET THE BEST PLAYERS THEY CAN AFFORD, HOPE TO HELL THEY AREN'T INJURED FOR THE YEAR, PRAY FOR SOME LUCK HERE AND THERE, AND SURVIVE THEIR DIVISIONAL GAMES. NOT YOU ****ERS. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S INJURED, WHO YOU'RE STARTING, WHO YOU PICK UP OFF WAIVERS, WHO YOU DRAFT, WHAT THE OTHER TEAMS IN YOUR DIVISION DO: YOU ****ERS WIN ANYWAYS.

**** YOU. **** YOU SO VERY MUCH THAT "**** YOU" CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO CONVEY THE AMOUNT OF **** I AM DIRECTING AT YOU.

EDIT: THANKS FOR THE GOLD, EVEN THOUGH I SUSPECT IT MAY BE CURSED PATRIOTS GOLD. IF NOT, I ACCEPT IT AS AN ACT OF COMMISERATION.

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS TRASH TALK THREAD • /r/nfl

That was epic.

Well that took an unexpected turn.

Probably not for everyone, but I thought it was damn good! Very well written. As one comment said, very "True Detective". I am picturing the Denver Monday morning commute.

I read through the majority of the thread and kept wondering "Why the **** everything is in capitals?"

Most of the thread is entertaining. The Cardinals fan reply is comical:

I FEEL SORRY FOR PATRIOTS FANS.. IT MUST BE SO HARD HAVING EVERYONE HATE YOU FOR WINNING CHAMPIONSHIPS. I'M REALLY GLAD WE DODGED THE BULLET OF BEING SUCCESSFUL FOR SO LONG

as well as the replies to that

IT'S A BURDEN, BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT.

and

YOU'RE WELCOME, AMERICA.

ausbacker said:

I read through the majority of the thread and kept wondering "Why the **** everything is in capitals?"

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Maybe that's the convention in trash talk threads there? I was wondering the same.

neuronet said:

Maybe that's the convention in trash talk threads there? I was wondering the same.

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My understanding is that they have a custom .CSS file for those threads that automatically turns anything you type into all caps.

ctpatsfan77 said:

My understanding is that they have a custom .CSS file for those threads that automatically turns anything you type into all caps.

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That's actually hilarious.

I'm going to have to turn that f*** conveying line into my new sig

Hey, as long as the current "dynastic" streak continues, just smile at them and say the 4+ SB trophies are still in the trophy case no matter what you say!

TomPatriot said:

This one is even funnier:

HEY PATRIOTS, DO YOU KNOW WHY EVERYONE HATES YOU? IT'S NOT REALLY THE CHEATING. IT'S NOT REALLY ALL THE MASSHOLES IN YOUR ****ING PRIVILEGED, ECHO-CHAMBER, BRIGADE VOTING, WHINY, SELF-ABSORBED FANBASE. IT ISN'T EVEN YOUR CONTINUED SUCCESS, AS SUCH. ALL THAT **** IS SUPER ****ING ANNOYING, NO QUESTION.

BUT HERE'S WHY PEOPLE REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU: YOU JUST KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT.

• YOUR BEST RECEIVER ISN'T SOME IMPOSING ATHLETIC FREAK WITH STICKEM HANDS. HE'S A SHIFTY LITTLE **** WHO SOME OF US COULD PROBABLY BEAT UP IN A BAR FIGHT. AND HE'S THE SECOND GENERATION OF SHIFTY LITTLE ****S TO DO THIS FOR YOU (YOU WERE GREAT, WES, BUT YOU ARE/WERE A SHIFTY LITTLE ****).
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU TRADE DOWN IN THE DRAFT AND PICK UP ****WADS FROM ITT TECH OR SOME **** AND YET THEY CONTRIBUTE RIGHT AWAY, AND ARE ALMOST NEVER A BUST.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU DUCT TAPE TOGETHER JOURNEYMEN AND OTHER TEAMS' CAST OFFS INTO A FORMIDABLE DEFENSE. ON ANY OTHER TEAM NINKOVICH IS ONE OF ABOUT THREE WHITE GUYS IN ROTATION, BUT ON THE PATRIOTS OF COURSE HE'S A GODDAMN PLAYMAKER.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU IGNORE THE WIDE RECEIVER POSITION, OPTING TO PICK UP SOME RANDOM **** FACE WHO OF COURSE SUDDENLY BECOMES A VITAL OR AT LEAST USEFUL WEAPON FOR YOU. I MEAN: BRANDON LA FELL—ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME? TELL YOU WHAT: AFTER WE CUT BUBBA CALDWELL NEXT YEAR, YOU TAKE HIM, AND TURN HIM INTO AN ALL PRO, BECAUSE ****ING OF COURSE YOU WILL.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR YOU PROMOTE SOME DIPSHIT FROM THE PRACTICE SQUAD TO STARTING RB, FOR ONE GAME ONLY, IN WHICH HE'LL GET 200 ALL PURPOSE YARDS JUST WHEN YOU NEED HIM TO.
  
  
• YEAR AFTER YEAR, EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR DIVISION ACCUMULATES BETTER TALENT, AND PROCEEDS TO THEN TRIP OVER THEIR OWN FLOPPY ****S ON THEIR WAY TO 9-7 OR 7-9.

I CAN'T ****ING STAND IT. EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS LEAGUE HAS TO FIGHT TOOTH AND CLAW TO GET THE BEST PLAYERS THEY CAN AFFORD, HOPE TO HELL THEY AREN'T INJURED FOR THE YEAR, PRAY FOR SOME LUCK HERE AND THERE, AND SURVIVE THEIR DIVISIONAL GAMES. NOT YOU ****ERS. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S INJURED, WHO YOU'RE STARTING, WHO YOU PICK UP OFF WAIVERS, WHO YOU DRAFT, WHAT THE OTHER TEAMS IN YOUR DIVISION DO: YOU ****ERS WIN ANYWAYS.

**** YOU. **** YOU SO VERY MUCH THAT "**** YOU" CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO CONVEY THE AMOUNT OF **** I AM DIRECTING AT YOU.

EDIT: THANKS FOR THE GOLD, EVEN THOUGH I SUSPECT IT MAY BE CURSED PATRIOTS GOLD. IF NOT, I ACCEPT IT AS AN ACT OF COMMISERATION.

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS TRASH TALK THREAD • /r/nfl

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One tap, just one tap on CAPS LOCK.

THAT BOOT IS TOM BRADY'S UGG

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

We need a ring on that thumb as well