Tom Brady is easily one of the most aggressively unsympathetic people imaginable. He dumped an extraordinarily beautiful actress and married arguably the most famous supermodel in the world. His house
looks as large as Charles Foster Kane's Xanadu, and it looks as tasteful as Olivia Newton-John's
Xanadu. He dreamed of one day of being like his idol – who won four Super Bowls – got the same job as his idol, then won four super Bowls. That's not like dreaming of one day becoming an astronaut and then becoming an astronaut: that's like dreaming of becoming the first male astronaut to be in a reverse gang bang in space, then blasting off into 69 redheaded Soviet cosmonauts in a rocket modeled after your own penis. He could drag a team to a 9-7 record at age 45, and he
will beat your team that season. Twice, if yours is the Jets. He models
Uggs, for ****'s sakes. On top of all that, the prick is also good-looking.