A Little Fun: The Goodell Punishment Generator

with this, respect for the Commish is at an all time high.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too can answer a series of questions and receive a punishment—generated via a set of mysterious but certainly stupid criteria—that fits your crimes. In the end, it’s all about justice.

http://deadspin.com/taste-roger-goodells-wrath-with-our-nfl-punishment-gene-1720846778

There was link to another one in the comment section.

http://www.si.com/extra-mustard/2015/07/28/roger-goodell-random-nfl-punishment-generator

My punishment for tripping the ball handler:

From the Offices of The Commish

Dear rule-breaker,

For Tripping the Ball handler, you will be fined $100,000.

I will be honest, I have no idea how I decided on this.

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended8 gamesbecause, in your words: “making Mark Brunell cry.”

I got 8 games for poking a badger with a spoon!

Haha I got 10 games for farting, 5 for punching a hooker and 4 for being accused of deflating footballs

fnordcircle said:

Click to expand...

Kessler could probably still get that down to 2 games.

fnordcircle said:

Click to expand...

Kessler could probably still get that down to 2 games.

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended 10 gamesbecause, in your words: “I dressed in orange, jumped in a hole in my back yard, and pretended I was a carrot.”

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended 5 games because, in your words: “I suspended myself upside down from my grundle with a hook while playing the "Law and Order" theme with a bongo drum.

I'm not sure if the word 'grundle' will ever stop being funny.

Official League Office
Park Avenue
New York, NY
P: (212)555-5555
F: (212)222-2222

From the Offices of The Commish

Dear rule-breaker,

For being a Jets fan, you must get in the cage with Hershel Walker for five rounds. That’s what the little Paul Tagliabue on my shoulder told me to do.

Sincerely,

The Commish

To The NY Jets date 08/2021
Because this only the 12th incidence of tampering you must write "The Patriots made do it" 25 times.

And for running on the field and punching the 8x Super Bowl winning quarterback Tom Brady, you must investigate yourselves.

Official League Office
Park Avenue
New York, NY
P: (212)555-5555
F: (212)222-2222

From the Offices of The Commish

Dear rule-breaker,

For Saying that Peyton Manning is a world class choke artist, you will be fined $500,000. I will be honest, I have no idea how I decided on this.

Sincerely,

THE NFL PUNISHMENT GENERATOR

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended 7 games because, in your words: “I insulted Roger Goodell”

Official League Office
Park Avenue
New York, NY
P: (212)555-5555
F: (212)222-2222

From the Offices of The Commish

Dear rule-breaker,

For farting in Roger Goodell's general direction, you will be fined $500,000. The NFLPA should have a field day with this one.

Sincerely,

The Commish

Ten games is worth it.



Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended 10 games because, in your words: “I kidnapped Roger Goodell, got him to admit this was a witch hunt after waterboarding him and then tarred and feathered him at Gillette Stadium in front of thousands of cheering Patriots fans.”

I got....

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.

You have been suspended10 gamesbecause, in your words: “I destroyed a phone”

Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right.
You have been suspended 10 games because, in your words: “I broke the ideal gas law.”

D'oh.

I've been suspended 5 games because, in my own words, "I read the entire Wells Report."