Team A, known widely as paranoid whiners, warns MLB that Team B's famous slugger Player C may have a corked bat. When asked how they know this, they cannot say. They cite "general chatter". MLB execs ignore the complaint, but an MLB employee whose ex-wife is married to the slugger wants to "take up this noble cause".
At a game, the MLB employee whose ex-wife is married to the slugger confiscates player C's bats. He weighs them using an official scale, and they come in at exactly at the right weight. Confused, he looks for another scale and finds an old rusty one. It reads 0.1 oz. too low, below the minimum, with an error of plus or minus 0.5 oz. He shouts AHA!
He is furious and burns up the bats while muttering his ex-wife's name.
He realizes he may have screwed up, but he still insists that MLB throw the book at "the cheaters". With all of the evidence destroyed and with no written-down bat weights, the MLB president decides to press on after he remembers that his sister had once been dumped by the slugger.
During the investigation, MLB finds one text message exchange between two equipment handlers about Player C complaining to the equipment managers about how they had allowed a crooked gambling umpire to stock his bat rack with bats that were in fact so heavy that they were completely illegal to use, and how he hated them so much that he went 1-for-5 and his team had barely won.
In a text from the previous season, the MLB president scores his big GOTCHA MOMENT-- One of the equipment handlers calls himself "Corky." MLB ignores that the equipment manager is president of a wine club, and ignores in particular another text from him that said "Tell your sister to come on over and Corky will open a nice Chardonnay!"
Team B and Player C are called cheaters, the two guys are fired, and the player is suspended for 41 games.
