"Grab a beer safely" charts

An intrepid fellow on Reddit decided to chart the likelihood of being able to safely get a beer, which he defined as having a <10% chance of that team scoring within the next 120 seconds (of game clock, admittedly).

The orange zone is the safe zone; the white area is the danger ("You might miss a TD zone").

Patriots:


JEST:

Beautiful. Since it's math, it'll take the JEST's and their fanbase longer to figure out how funny it is.

DVR>P(TD)

ctpatsfan77 said:

An intrepid fellow on Reddit decided to chart the likelihood of being able to safely get a beer, which he defined as having a <10% chance of that team scoring within the next 120 seconds (of game clock, admittedly).

The orange zone is the safe zone; the white area is the danger ("You might miss a TD zone").

Patriots:

JEST:

Click to expand...

Great Post, but I hope that we can agree that it's based upon a False Premise: If you need more than 15 seconds to go from your Seat to the Fridge and back with Beer In Hand, it's time for Remedial Conditioning.

Grabbing a beer is easy, it's the bathroom breaks during Redzone viewing that are difficult to manage. I sit there doubled over, holding it in, hoping they go to a Jags-Titans game or something. How painful are catheters?

Concussion Protocol said:

Grabbing a beer is easy, it's the bathroom breaks during Redzone viewing that are difficult to manage. I sit there doubled over, holding it in, hoping they go to a Jags-Titans game or something. How painful are catheters?

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What do you think the Empties are for??

Off The Grid said:

What do you think the Empties are for??

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Or the "Pause" button on your DVR?

Off The Grid said:

Great Post, but I hope that we can agree that it's based upon a False Premise: If you need more than 15 seconds to go from your Seat to the Fridge and back with Beer In Hand, it's time for Remedial Conditioning.

Click to expand...

15 seconds? Christ that's enough time to deflate at least 2 footballs. Maybe even 3.

Concussion Protocol said:

Grabbing a beer is easy, it's the bathroom breaks during Redzone viewing that are difficult to manage. I sit there doubled over, holding it in, hoping they go to a Jags-Titans game or something. How painful are catheters?

Click to expand...

Assuming you're a guy, Google "Texas catheter."

I have a knack for grabbing a beer as soon as our defense takes the field and then we get a Pick 6. Happened again to me last year at the San Diego game. The play was called back for ******** reasons but the curse remains.

Winner Off Season thread!

I loved this

I think most of us have this chart internalized in some form or another. Usually you 'just know' when it's safe to make a run. And yeah, DVR makes it a lot less stressful than in the old days.

PrairiePat said:

I loved this

I think most of us have this chart internalized in some form or another. Usually you 'just know' when it's safe to make a run. And yeah, DVR makes it a lot less stressful than in the old days.

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If it takes 2 minutes of game clock worths time to use the bathroom in your own home, then you've got problems.

Concussion Protocol said:

Grabbing a beer is easy, it's the bathroom breaks during Redzone viewing that are difficult to manage. I sit there doubled over, holding it in, hoping they go to a Jags-Titans game or something. How painful are catheters?

Click to expand...

Off The Grid said:

What do you think the Empties are for??

Click to expand...

PatsFanSince74 said:

Or the "Pause" button on your DVR?

Click to expand...

Blech.

01 ~ I understand that there's a short Delay, anyway...

02 ~ But something precious is lost ~ utterly lost ~ if I'm not In Temporal Synch with all of New EngLand.

03 ~ My Brother's Attic, with my Bro, my Nephew, and I, erupted with all of New EngLand at That Moment.

04 ~ It wouldn't've been the same, FastForwarding, while wondering why all the Neighboors'd gone BatShit.

05 ~ In fact, it would've sucked abysmally...and forever.

Nah.

Give me RealTime ~ or as close as we can come to it ~ or give me Death.

OK, you get Death

Off The Grid said:

Blech.

01 ~ I understand that there's a short Delay, anyway...

02 ~ But something precious is lost ~ utterly lost ~ if I'm not In Temporal Synch with all of New EngLand.

03 ~ My Brother's Attic, with my Bro, my Nephew, and I, erupted with all of New EngLand at That Moment.

04 ~ It wouldn't've been the same, FastForwarding, while wondering why all the Neighboors'd gone BatShit.

05 ~ In fact, it would've sucked abysmally...and forever.

Nah.

Give me RealTime ~ or as close as we can come to it ~ or give me Death.

Click to expand...

If you ever decide to lead a revolution, you can count me in.

PatsWickedPissah said:

OK, you get Death

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It was an expression. Life & Liberty is mine to take, and so I do, without regard to debris like you.

Verminous Scum do not decide my Fate, nor often their own.

It's amusing that cowardly scum never ~ never ~ actually say such things to one's face.

Have none of you women to fetch you your beers?

Just curious, mine responds very randomly to me saying "Woman, go get me a beer".

Off The Grid said:

Blech.

01 ~ I understand that there's a short Delay, anyway...

02 ~ But something precious is lost ~ utterly lost ~ if I'm not In Temporal Synch with all of New EngLand.

03 ~ My Brother's Attic, with my Bro, my Nephew, and I, erupted with all of New EngLand at That Moment.

04 ~ It wouldn't've been the same, FastForwarding, while wondering why all the Neighboors'd gone BatShit.

05 ~ In fact, it would've sucked abysmally...and forever.

Nah.

Give me RealTime ~ or as close as we can come to it ~ or give me Death.

Click to expand...

Galeb said:

If you ever decide to lead a Revolution, you can count me in.

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Honored, Brother Galeb!! I'll take all the help I can get!!

Danger Zone said:

Have none of you women to fetch you your beers?

Just curious, mine responds very randomly to me saying "Woman, go get me a beer".

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Hah!! I, for one, can say with no doubt whatsoever that any Woman that I would deign to call my own would deliver a response not in any way random to such a Command!!