Employee in Bathroom w. balls for 90 secs

https://twitter.com/ProFootballTalk/status/559922839097073666

i think this is good, would be tough to deflate 12 balls that fast. thats 7 seconds per ball...plus i think my average leak lasts 30 seconds, plus zipping and unzipping. i think 90 seconds sounds right

90 seconds obviously not enough time to pee....must be deflating 12 footballs

For the record, it's Jay Glazer that set off a firestorm of media reports because some poor locker room attendant making minimum wage had to take a piss on his way to the field.

lock door. open bag. dump all balls out. deflate. put in bag. unless our ball boy is a magician i think we are good

billdog3484 said:

https://twitter.com/ProFootballTalk/status/559922839097073666

i think this is good, would be tough to deflate 12 balls that fast. thats 7 seconds per ball...plus i think my average leak lasts 30 seconds, plus zipping and unzipping. i think 90 seconds sounds right

Click to expand...

Also if he had to go, which would cause the greatest problem, taking the balls in the bathroom with you or leaving them in the hall unattended?

I think that pretty much kills that.

wow. Glazer's story clearly is ANTI patriots without the timeframe. there has to be somebody in the nfl out to get somebody..wowowowowowo this is AMAZING NEWS

#needlethinpenisgate

Did he wash?

90 seconds to get 11 balls at exactly 11.5 PSI and 1 ball even less than that. Then, of course, you have to separate the legal balls and the tampered balls.

That's it. The culprit has been found. It's SUPERMAN!

This poor ball boy is being tortured by NFL securiry right now for stopping to take a piss. I just picture Jack Bauer or Vic Mackey in the interrogation room with him, beating the crap out of him to make him talk.

Who was it that said Brunell would be on ESPN being timed deflating footballs tomorrow?

Wait so is it a Pats employee or nfl employee? It simply says sideline attendant. Why would the Pats employee have to carry the Colts balls also??

I think the investigation should switch to whether the employee took proper time to wash his hands thoroughly. IDK, 90 second to pee and wash your hands really doesn't seem like enough time for a proper cleaning. I think we should contact Bill Nye to find out if it is scientifically possible that after handling the Colts' football may have led to Andrew Luck's poor play. Let the PoorlyWashedHandsGate begin.

billdog3484 said:

wow. Glazer's story clearly is ANTI patriots without the timeframe. there has to be somebody in the nfl out to get somebody..wowowowowowo this is AMAZING NEWS

Click to expand...

Ya his name is Mike Kensil

You blind homers! Clearly he had 12 accomplices in the bathroom already waiting to deflate the balls while he made fake pee noises with his mouth.

You know, every time I think this story has reached new heights of absurdity, someone reports something that ups the ante.

I feel like I'm in a satire of media coverage gone horribly wrong.

Classic Pats haters thinking this is somehow an indictment. Think of it like leaving your luggage outside at the airport, you wouldn't because something could happen. Same with this kid, he was being attentive. Thrilled to see how Peter King, Florio, Glazer, Wilbon and fellow clowns spin this though.

Wouldn't be surprised to see King headlining a column tomorrow saying the Pats have an assembly line in the bowels of Gillette Stadium doctoring footballs efficiently.

Guys my point being about him being an nfl employee is why would
The pats find this and give it to the nfl? Also why is he carrying the colts balls. I find it weird for the pats guys to carry the colts balls if rhey have their own ball boys.

Step 1 - Lock door
Step 2 - Put bags on floor
Step 3 - Unzip the Patriot's football bag
Step 4 - Take out one Patriot football
Step 5 - Take deflating needle out of shirt pocket
Step 6 - Insert needle into football, deflate to 11 psi
Step 7 - Put football on floor of bathroom
Step 8 - Repeat Steps 6-7 (11 times)
Step 9 - Take one football off floor and put back into bag
Step 10 - Repeat Step 9 (11 times)
Step 11 - Zip up Patriot football bag
Step 12 - Unlock door
Step 13 - Pick up bags

or

Step 1 - Lock door
Step 2 - Put bags on floor
Step 3 - Unzip pants
Step 4 - Take out ye ol'dragon
Step 5 - Pee for X seconds
Step 6 - Shake ye ol'dragon three times
Step 7 - Zip up pants
Step 8 - Wash hands
Step 9 - Dry hands
Step 10 - Unlock door
Step 11 - Pick up bags

or

Step 1 - Lock door
Step 2 - Take out blunt from shirt pocket
Step 3 - Take out lighter from pants pocket
Step 4 - Light blunt
Step 5 - Smoke blunt for X seconds
Step 6 - Throw butt in toilet
Step 7 - Flush toilet
Step 8 - Unlock door
Step 9 - Pick up bags

I will refrain from doing the Drop the Log version if that's okay.