Funny: Onion-Like Articles About How Great the Patriots Are

I want to win. Screw the haters and their mothers.

Have a fun 4-12 season Oakland. Or NY. Or Cleveland. We like wins.

There should be one somewhere saying"Colts complained their balls were not big enough to beat the Patriots"

Darrone said:

NFL Investigating Whether Patriots Played Game With Properly Inflated Vince Wilfork

IMO, if true, the NFL must disband Vince Wilfork, and break him up into several smaller players.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nfl-investigating-whether-patriots-played-game-wit,37805/

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Definitely funnier than the "Joe Montana sucks" one. That one could have been much funnier if they'd tried a little harder with it.

All you need is the headline and the Wilfork picture with this one, though.

"In response to the latest scandal involving Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots, the rest of the NFL teams have signed onto a petition demanding that Bob Kraft fire Belichick in order to restore integrity to the game.

Mr. Kraft has complied and fired Bill Belichick, who is now free to seek employment elsewhere. Representatives of 31 teams have reached out to Belichick's agent seeking interviews for their head coaching positions. Belichick has agreed to interview with 29 of them, after rejecting offers to interview with the Jets and Colts.

In an ironic touch, Belichick's refusal to interview with the Jets was written on a ****tail napkin."

BB grassy knoll. Watch this space.

My own wild accusation idea is as follows: New England colluded with Blount let him go to Pittsburgh. He would be a locker room cancer there and throw the Steelers into disarray, thus weakening a potential rival. He will make such a mess of things that no team would be willing to put in a waiver claim on him after he was cut, freeing him up to resign in New England as was the plan all along, allowing him to rejoin the team just in time to demolish the Colts in the playoffs again.

Of course Belichick knew the game would be against the Colts because his other, previously completed dastardly plans involved: 1. Somehow hypnotizing the Ravens players and coaching staff as a whole so they would fall into a state of confusion whenever a slight change to who is eligible or ineligible was made, ensuring a New England victory, and 2. Logan Mankins, as a member of the sitting at home Tampa Bay Buccaneers sprang into action at Belichick's command, traveling clandestinely to Denver, breaking into Manning's dwelling in the middle of the night, and somehow aggravating his quad injury so he would perform poorly in the game against Indianapolis, ensuring a Colts victory.

So, as you can see, the Patriots committed heinous acts against no less than four teams in both the regular and post season all to ensure that they would face Indianapolis in the conference championship game. I cannot believe the league will do any less than award the Super Bowl berth to Denver, because as we all know, Manning is the greatest of all time and deserves to win the Super Bowl. New England will also be forced to forfeit 11 first round draft picks, and Belichick and Brady will be given lifetime bans from the league.

Revis will have his contract transferred to the Jets as per Woody Johnson's request but New England will still be responsible for the cap hit associated with the current contract as well as any others Revis may sign with any other team in the future. Also, before any Patriots game for the next 16 years Bob Kraft will be forced to eat a jumbo size jar of Kraft mayonnaise while singing Beck's popular song "Loser" live as part of the pre-game broadcast even though he is not associated with Kraft Foods in any way, because most people that are not fans of the Patriots just assume that's where his money came from and it would be really funny to see him have to do that.

Many, many people believe that the only way to stop this nonsense from continuing to happen is to win this SB. I call BS. Mark my words: if NE wins, and I think there's a good chance they will, another cheating allegation will be forthcoming within 24 hours. It will never end. Never.

Even Jim Donaldson - of all people - is mocking those that are piling on Belichick and the Patriots.

Jim Donaldson: If you believe this about Belichick, you'll believe anything - Providence Journal

stinebot said:

My own wild accusation idea is as follows: New England colluded with Blount let him go to Pittsburgh. He would be a locker room cancer there and throw the Steelers into disarray, thus weakening a potential rival. He will make such a mess of things that no team would be willing to put in a waiver claim on him after he was cut, freeing him up to resign in New England as was the plan all along, allowing him to rejoin the team just in time to demolish the Colts in the playoffs again.

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Come on, now. Do you really expect us to believe BB would do that to Mike Tomlin? Now if the Steelers were being coached by Brad Childress, that's a whole other ball game.