Funny: Onion-Like Articles About How Great the Patriots Are

Darrone · Jan 20, 2015

NFL Investigating Whether Patriots Played Game With Properly Inflated Vince Wilfork

IMO, if true, the NFL must disband Vince Wilfork, and break him up into several smaller players.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nfl-investigating-whether-patriots-played-game-wit,37805/

Sicilian · Jan 20, 2015

I like this one too

http://rilenews.com/stories/sports/nfl-investigating-bill-belichick-black-magic/

Anteros · Jan 20, 2015

Sicilian said:
I like this one too

http://rilenews.com/stories/sports/nfl-investigating-bill-belichick-black-magic/

Now THAT'S funny!

Crimson_Patriot · Jan 20, 2015

Doubt this was worth a thread but I guess it's guaranteed that we'll be going to Super Bowl L next season. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-***in/patriots-become-first-tea_b_6498370.html

EDIT:

"In a rare, impromptu, behind-closed-doors meeting, NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, met with other league officials and unanimously voted to allow the Patriots to take the 2015 season off. The meeting apparently took 10 minutes.

Head of Officials, Marty Voight, said:

It's more of a preventative measure, actually. There's really no reason for the Patriots, specifically Tom Brady, to risk injury during the regular season. And, it would be stupid for us to allow fans to sit in -20-degree temperatures in December and risk pneumonia when we already know what's going to happen. It's as reliable as the sun rising from the east. The Pats are going to beat anyone the AFC has to offer next year, so this is just our way of protecting both the team and their fans.

Voight went a step further and added, "Who do you think will be there next year? The Jets?" Can't argue with that.

According to the NFL, ad revenue for Patriots games is lower than any other team due to the fact viewership plummets to virtually nobody after the first quarter.

"There's no reason to watch," says Bill Donahue, AFC President. "Some Pats fans have written angry letters due to the fact their wives make them do chores rather than watch a game that's all-but-over in the first 15 minutes. They really have no excuse."

NormZauchin · Jan 20, 2015

Like most posters on this board I am irritated and dismayed at the attention the complaint of deflated footballs has gotten in the national media. On the time-honored principle that humor is the best antidote to such nonsense, I suggest PatsFans try to anticipate even more absurd claims that may be made against the Pats. My initial try:

Tuesday, Jan. 20. Indianapolis Colts officials today asked the NFL to investigate whether the New England Patriots, in addition to deflating the footballs, had put sleeping pills into their Gatorade. Head coach Chuck Pagano said that he became suspicious when, after a rousing pregame talk, his players took the field and then proceeded to sleepwalk through the next 60 minutes of play. Patriots officials had no comment.

Oswlek · Jan 20, 2015

I'm not clicking, so a summation of the main point would be nice.

IllegalContact · Jan 20, 2015

good humor, but you will anger the midgets

qbno12 · Jan 20, 2015

Oswlek said:
I'm not clicking, so a summation of the main point would be nice.

Not worth a click.. but to sum it up, they're just guaranteeing a 5th ring for Brady in next year's SB ...

Deus Irae · Jan 20, 2015

If the Patriots win this Super Bowl, the media might just as well call the next Patriots scandal BradygothisfourthringsoDeusIraedoesn'tgiveadamngate.

pwes · Jan 20, 2015

It's clearly a joke...

Brady_to_Moss · Jan 20, 2015

i just farted

pwes · Jan 20, 2015

Oswlek said:
I'm not clicking, so a summation of the main point would be nice.

Its a joke article saying the Patriots are so good they will win this year and automatically be in the SB next year without having to play a single game.

Crimson_Patriot · Jan 20, 2015

pwes said:
Its a joke article saying the Patriots are so good they will win this year and automatically be in the SB next year without having to play a single game.

This pretty much sums it up.

FortressX · Jan 20, 2015

The word "Comedy" at the top of the HuffPo page offers a clue I think.

Crimson_Patriot · Jan 20, 2015

FortressX said:
The word "Comedy" at the top of the HuffPo page offers a clue I think.

Never read many things from Huffington so never payed any attention. But I know that now.

FreeTedWilliams · Jan 20, 2015

Everything ever written in the huffington post is untrue

Seahawxx · Jan 20, 2015

FreeTedWilliams said:
Everything ever written in the huffington post is untrue

this be true, Huff Post juts jinxed the Patriots 2015 season

RobertWeathers · Jan 20, 2015

pwes said:
Its a joke article saying the Patriots are so good they will win this year and automatically be in the SB next year without having to play a single game.

Good it'll save the team from cheating...

phil112 · Jan 20, 2015

Hey, makes sense to me!

"The 45-7 beating the New England Patriots laid on the Indianapolis Colts this past Sunday prompted the NFL to do something it's never done before.

In a rare, impromptu, behind-closed-doors meeting, NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, met with other league officials and unanimously voted to allow the Patriots to take the 2015 season off. The meeting apparently took 10 minutes.

However, even though the Patriots will not play a single regular-season down -- or take a snap in the playoffs, as well -- they will still represent the AFC in Super Bowl 50, to be played Feb. 7th, 2016 in Santa Clara, California."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-***in/patriots-become-first-tea_b_6498370.html

Mogamedogz · Jan 20, 2015

Seems legit.

Signed,
The onion and every single FACEBOOK viral share ever

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