You are a fan of the Jets or the Giants — or both, heaven help you — and your weekends this fall have been ruined by calamitous football, the kind that makes you wonder what you did to deserve such a cruel fate. Maybe this Sunday is the day to walk away. Not forever: just for one day.
So take a break from the ritual masochism. Here are some suggestions for better ways to spend your Sunday:
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Really, anything you do will be less boring than watching a couple of lousy teams play ineptly against a couple of other lousy teams. Why not engage in some self-improving activities?
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Read a book. Specifically, “
Napoleon: A Life,” by Andrew Roberts. Better yet, get the audio version ... Listening to this tale will not simply distract you. It will remind you what winning feels like.
Yes, Napoleon Bonaparte lost some big ones, too, against some formidable squads. (Like Russia.) ... Napoleon loses so big that he is banished to an island. Yes, whistled not just off the field, but right out of the country. That’s like Roger Goodell telling the Jets and the Giants: “You know what? You guys are done. Hand in the uniforms and head to Bermuda, please.”
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(Go to the opera): Remember, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings. Unless it’s the Jets and the Giants. In which case it’s just over.
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A reasonable alternative to watching the Giants or Jets play on Sunday is to sit on a couch, stare straight forward and do nothing. I don’t mean meditation. Despite what your uncles and grandfathers may think, meditation involves work and therefore is doing something. I am suggesting that for three hours, it would be more worth your while to stare straight ahead, blink occasionally to keep your eyes from drying out, and do nothing. At the end of the three hours, you will have been more productive than Geno Smith or Eli Manning.
But we are talking Jets fans here.
