Non-Jets Jokes

A guy dies and goes straight to hell. His first day the devil comes around and asks, "Well buddy is it hot enough for ya down here?" The guy replies, "Aw, Ahm from Texas. We get hotter days than this in Houston in the springtime." This pisses the devil off so he goes over and turns the thermostat up. Next day it's the same thing: "Is it hot enough for ya now Tex?" And the Texan says, "Aw, we get hotter days than this in Del Rio in the wintertime." Pissed off again, the devil turns up the thermostat some more. So it goes day after day. The devil asks if its hot enough for the Texan, the Texan names another Texas city that's hotter than hell, and the devil turns up the temperature some more. After a while the fires are really roarin', the smoke is blowin', and the brimstone is boilin'. One Sunday morning the the devil asks again how Tex likes the weather. Tex says, "Aw, the smoke and the fire don't bother me. I used to live over on the east side of Dallas by an oil refinery. And the stink ain't no problem. When the wind blew in from Pasadena, it was a lot worse than down here. So if ya could just get the temperature up a little higher, raise the humidity up to 100%, throw in a hurricane and a storm surge and half a dozen tornados and 57 trillion mosquitos as big as turkey buzzards... why, I thing I could be as comfortable here as I was back home in Dallas. That really pissed the devil off and he went to turn the thermostat up again. BUT, it was already all the way up, and heat didn't seem to bother Tex anyway. There was only one thing to do: he turned the thermostat ALL THE WAY DOWN! The temperature started fallin' like a stone. By evening it was COLD! So he went to see the Dallas man. The guy was obviously miserable, coated in ice, blue and shiverin', with ice hanging from his ears. This pleased the devil 'cause he's in the torment business. He sneers at the man from Dallas and asks "Well Tex, how do ya like this weather?" Tex is shiverin' so hard he can hardly talk. He says, "Can't really say I care for it much." Then he gives the devil a great big smile and says "But I guess it's worth it." The devil says, "What the hell you mean 'It's worth it'? And why are you so damned happy?" The Dallas man replies, "Well with hell bein' froze over and all, it must mean Tony Romo finally won the Super Bowl!"

Love it.

Also, Peyton Manning holds the record for most touchdown passes thrown by a potato head.

^ Since Peyton won a SB, unfortunately I could not make the joke above about him. Hey this could be recycled for Marino.

What's the best thing about being a Raider? Knowing that at least you're a non-Jet joke

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy.

One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each 0ther's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"

"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

Joe Namath is in the hall of fame. Oh wait a minute that is about the jets and is sadly true.

Q: Do you know why the Cowboys will feel at home playing in London this weekend?

A: They will be amongst people reminiscing of past dynasties.

The dyslexic man walks into the bra.

New Ray Rice Jersey is in stock.

-end joke-

A woman goes to the doctor for a routine physical. During the examination, he notices what appear to be severe rug burns on her knees and elbows.

Doctor: "Hmm ... What are these from?"
Woman: "Well, doctor, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but it's from doing it doggy style."
Doctor: "Wouldn't be easier on you to try something different, like the missionary position?"
Woman: "I would, doctor -- but my dog's breath is so bad!"

Little Myron Kettlebaum, CPA., is found guilty of tax evasion and sentenced to 15 years in prison. As the warden escorts Myron to his cell, the mousey white collar criminal is terrified of his new world and shaking like a leaf. Myron enters his cell and realizes that he will not be the only prisoner living in the tiny space. As the cell door closes behind Myron, this giant figure appears from the shadows of the bottom bunk. The cell mate stands up...6'8"...300 lbs.....rippling muscles....tattoos all over......huge neck.....bald as a cue ball....terrifying.
Myron is about to crap his pants when the cell mate begins speaking. In the deepest, meanest voice imaginable, the roommate says....
"My name is Bull.....Welcome to my cell. Because we'll be livin together for a very long time, weeze gotz ta have ourselves a relationship. And because I'm a fair man, I'm a gonna give you a choice in this relationship. You can decide if ya wants ta be the husband or da wife in this relationship."
Little Myron, being a calculating sort of fellow, immediately chooses to be the husband of this new relationship.
His new roommate Bull then says..."Very well husband, come on over here and suck your wife's ****."

Twist all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that we won the most important game in the rivary. And we soon will return to prominence, as we watch those sneaky Pats crumble after Brady retires!

Remember when rap artists thought this team was cool?

signbabybrady said:

-end joke-

Click to expand...

It's been awhile.

Jetsfan25678 said:

Twist all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that we won the most important game in the rivary. And we soon will return to prominence, as we watch those sneaky Pats crumble after Brady retires!

Click to expand...

It will take more than that - you need to pray to the football gods for this:


(this is a joke - if it was real I would have DIED)


You know - an owner like Woody Johnson...where is he?

Jetsfan25678 said:

Twist all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that we won the most important game in the rivary. And we soon will return to prominence, as we watch those sneaky Pats crumble after Brady retires!

Click to expand...

Tunescribe said:

View attachment 7370

Click to expand...

RecoveringCowboy said:

It will take more than that - you need to pray to the football gods for this:

(this is a joke - if it was real I would have DIED)


You know - an owner like Woody Johnson...where is he?

Click to expand...

Oh, yes Marcus Mariota will lead the Jets back to relevancy. Mark my words, all you Patriot fans Mariota will destory you guys for the next decade, once the Jets draft him.

Jetsfan25678 said:

Click to expand...