Exceeding expectations, per this year's Draftnik Guide...
Who is a draftnik? If you hear “Kuiper Belt” on the science channel and turn up the sound because it might be Mel Kiper, you might be a draftnik. If you still cringe at the names Eugene Chung, Hart Lee Dykes, and especially Chris Canty – because we got the bad one – you might be a draftnik. If you ever shouted “He’s not even the best Kenyatta in the draft!” you might be a draftnik. If your pastor said Jesus was mocked, and you said “what round did he go in?” you might be a draftnik.
And crucially, if you believe that the stack of overpriced guides you picked up at CVS when you were picking up your mom’s Gardacil prescription and an NFL Network Jones worse than Kenyatta make you better at this than the combined brainpower of Bill Belichick and his minions, you are definitely a draftnik.
So now that you know whom I’m speaking for, sit back, relax, shout back at your mom “I’ll be up in a minute,” and enjoy your 2014 rolling draftnik recap!
Round 1, pick 29: Dominique Easley, DT, Florida. 6’2”, 288. With Big Vince Wilfork and Tommy Kelly both lost to injury during the 2013 season, it only makes sense to shore up the defensive front with fresh legs. In Easley’s case, fresh injured legs. He’s still a self-reported “80% back” from his second ACL tear, but by September will have a full year of rehab under his unimpressive belt, and will be ready for another injury.
We should have drafted Jadeveon Clowney instead. I spent a week on an email to Bill Belichick explaining how to do it, using draft value charts, known facts about why Houston would want to take less than the pick was worth, the rest of this draft and half of the next, and Ryan Mallett. Once again, Bill made the mistake of not heeding my advice.
Easley’s billed as the next-best thing, an explosive, disruptive tackle who’s just as comfortable playing defensive end. He’s got a first step faster than any offensive lineman’s, and they know when the snap’s coming. Also, he’s got a step before that. By the first step of a quarterback’s drop he’s already given an O-lineman three titty twisters and a purple nurple, and he’ll likely be in the backfield by the third. Double-team him on a run play, and that just means he’ll drive a guard and a center (or tackle) into the ball-carrier. The quickest 288 pounds you’ll ever see, when healthy.
Which is never. And did I mention he’s got the wingspan of a half-grown T-Rex? That never mattered in the college ranks, when he took up permanent residence in his opponents’ backfields. But I’ve seen an infographic on how undersized he is, and have decided this will be the death of his pro career. Pats draftnik grade: C.
But seriously? Give him time. I think by end of year one we'll be happy (especially if he is healthy.)
