The 2014 Edition : Jets continue to suck (what else is new)

He was just bored and hanging around so he thought he may as well relax a bit...



then THIS guy showed up, spotted him and the rest is...well....HISTORY...

Tunescribe said:

This Dmitri Patterson story is beyond bizarre. He's one of their starting cornerbacks, for krissakes! Maybe he took the game off to ponder life as a Green Bean. I can't wait for "official" word on why he didn't show up.

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If I were stuck on the Jets, I'd probably go AWOL, too. I'd start looking for a less disgusting and shameful job, like raw sewage taster, or something.

Mr Patterson joined the Jets in April. He is now 31 years old. He is starting his 9th season in the NFL and the Jets are his 7th team. His longest stay was 2 years in Philadelphia. Sounds like a keeper to me!

This is the JEST, Mike... sounds like a savior to me!

Joker said:

I love you man....

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He ALMOST out-Joker-ed you....almost. But that was quite a funny series of truth/comments/observations by PatsFaninVA.

"Funny?" I'm just trying to point out the facts on the ground for this cheshire cat of a team that exists purely as the remaining grin of Joe Willie, long after the rest of him has faded into drunken, sagging, Suzie Kolber-attempted-kissing clowndom.

I fear Deus is right, and Patterson is in the new Jets active player protection program, where anybody who has any danger of making the roster is kept from public view for ego preservation reasons.

I know their fanbase is looking forward to the day that they evolve the requisite thumb dexterity to whack each other with antelope bones to please a monolith, but in a way you have to respect those guys. They are still JEST fans, after the years of frustration, failure, and usually well-earned abuse. Behind the glazed, tearful eyes of each of them is the rudiment of what makes other fans human. They feel fear, and anger, and (unbelievable as it may seem,) surprise, at their team's on-field exploits. They continually feel hope. The question is really not whether they can reason as we do, but whether they can suffer. And God knows, they can suffer.

It is for this reason that I donate to People for the Ethical Treatment of JEST Fans, or PETJet. (PETJF is too hard to say out loud.) They should be left alone, without human interference, to pursue their niche in their own ecosystem, the subway tunnels beneath New York City and increasingly the swamps of New Jersey.

Perhaps I am a bleeding heart, but even the most hard-nosed realist must understand that a predator needs a prey animal. I'm afraid we've hunted the JEST fan to the brink of extinction. Adaptive paper sack frills are springing up in the Meadowlands. Young JEST fans are becoming Giants fans, mainly because of the viral YouTube of the JESTfan kid crying about how the season is (once again) over for his favorite team about 10 games in.

But you can change this. If you want an NFL where buttfumbles, AWOL players, and foot-fancying coaches can thrive, where on any given sunday any given team can beat the New York JEST, give now.

The doormat you wipe your feet on depends on it.



(Actually I just wanted to put this in for the charity-commercial feeling... but damn those lyrics are spot on)

@nyjets: GM John Idzik: "[Patterson] will be suspended indefinitely, and that will allow us to gather more information to what led to his behavior."

patsinthesnow said:

@nyjets: GM John Idzik: "[Patterson] will be suspended indefinitely, and that will allow us to gather more information to what led to his behavior."

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He will be back week one. They need him to start. Their CB position is a joke. The Pats have at least four CBs who would start on the Jets.

Maybe its wishful thinking but I keep hoping this is a shades of a Martin and Incognito kind of situation.

That all unfolded with Martin going AWOL..

Rob0729 said:

He will be back week one. They need him to start. Their CB position is a joke. The Pats have at least four CBs who would start on the Jets.

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The Pats have a WR who could start at CB for the JEST right now.

PFiV....I am agog. That post is brilliance defined. Weaving a 2001:Space Odyysey reference in there as you describe the utter futility of worshiping the Green Heave is iconic. Thank you......tears welling up in Unca Joe's eyes...

patsinthesnow said:

@nyjets: GM John Idzik: "[Patterson] will be suspended indefinitely, and that will allow us to gather more information to what led to his behavior."

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"The Curse of Darrelle Revis Lives!"

First-round draft pick CB Dee Milliner has multiple leg injuries, free agent "steal" Ras-I Dowling released, starting CB Dimitri Patterson goes AWOL and gets suspended indefinitely.

This is taking on mythic proportions.

Every QB in the NFL's reaction: "Everybody go long!"

ctpatsfan77 said:

The Pats have a WR who could start at CB for the JEST right now.

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As well as WR.

He couldn't handle the pressure of playing on the best defense in the NFL.

Rob0729 said:

He will be back week one. They need him to start. Their CB position is a joke. The Pats have at least four CBs who would start on the Jets.

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Let me correct you just a little, that Pats have 4 NON STARTING CB's who would start for the Jets. I honestly don't think even our depth CB's would be held from starting very long on that team.

Rob0729 said:

He will be back week one. They need him to start. Their CB position is a joke. The Pats have at least four CBs who would start on the Jets.

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If that turns out the be the case, the Jets will be a bigger joke than usual. Apparently, Patterson returned the team late Sunday night, but he still skipped out on a preseason game without any explanation. On a different team, I wouldn't be surprised if he was released or suspended for a number of games without pay. We'll see what they Jets do.

I looked up Patterson's career stats and he's started 20 of the 78 games he's been healthy enough to play in (injuries have been a big part of his career). 9 of those starts came back in 2010 with the Eagles. This year, the Jets need him to start or at least play a lot and he disappears right before the 3rd preseason game. Just a very odd situation.

Rob0729 said:

He will be back week one. They need him to start. Their CB position is a joke. The Pats have at least four CBs who would start on the Jets.

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Revis, Browner, Dennard, Ryan, Butler, Arrington... I could 6. Even if half of them are awful system fits, they'd still be preferable to the dumpster fire that the jets have at CB at this point.

ctpatsfan77 said:

The Pats have a WR who could start at CB for the JEST right now.

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Not to mention a quarterback, unless you mean Edelmensch already

goheels22002 said:

"The Curse of Darrelle Revis Lives!"

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And the curse gets personal on weeks 7 and 16. Maybe we can help knock them out of"reasonable" playoff consideration...after the game on week 7 (not statistical, though maybe there is a science that could prove it).

Koma said:

If that turns out the be the case, the Jets will be a bigger joke than usual. Apparently, Patterson returned the team late Sunday night, but he still skipped out on a preseason game without any explanation. On a different team, I wouldn't be surprised if he was released or suspended for a number of games without pay. We'll see what they Jets do.

I looked up Patterson's career stats and he's started 20 of the 78 games he's been healthy enough to play in (injuries have been a big part of his career). 9 of those starts came back in 2010 with the Eagles. This year, the Jets need him to start or at least play a lot and he disappears right before the 3rd preseason game. Just a very odd situation.

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IDK, saw somewhere today that the way Patterson's contract reads, he gets $1.5m if he is on the opening day roster. They open against the Raiders