Ha, good one Fencer. Okay...
A guy and his wife retire at 65, and for ten years, from retirement onward, the wife makes them eat nothing but healthy foods, go to the doctor regularly, and exercise for 1 hour a day. It's grueling, but they're doing pretty well... until, at 75, they get hit by a bus, and go to heaven.
Welcome, says St. Peter. This is your house.
The man and his wife look around, and they're in a beatiful mansion with a hot tub in every room, all their favorite movies on DVD, heck, even a Patriots home-theater done in team colors.
"Fine. But what's it cost?" the guy says.
St. Peter says "Why there's no money here. It's all free of course. And er, you might want to look out the breakfast nook window."
The guy goes to the breakfast nook, and sure enough, out the back window he realizes that he lives 10 yards away from a championship golf course, with the greenest, best-kept fairways he'd ever seen, and not another soul out there.
"Fine," the guy says, "but what are the green fees?"
"Oh there are none," St. Peter says. "This is your reward for being such great people on Earth."
The guy is dumbfounded. Can hardly talk.
"Maybe we should walk over to the buffet and have something to eat and some coffee," St. Peter suggests. And there in the next room is the most sumptuous collection of cholestral laden, starchy, greasy, sugary foods he had ever seen, along with some of the greatest coffee he'd ever smelled.
The guy's wife pipes up.
"But how bad is this stuff for you?"
St. Peter says "There's no such thing as calories, you won't get fat, you won't feel weighed down, and your heart can't go out because you're already dead. I TOLD you, there's no catch! This is HEAVEN!"
At which the guy turns to his wife and says,
"You and your fuggin BRAN MUFFINS. We coulda been here ten years ago."
