Absurdly Metro
Third String But Playing on Special Teams
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2007
- Messages
- 580
- Reaction score
- 173
Word has it that the NYG have obtained the only TRUE blueprint available for defeating the Belichick/Brady Patriots in a hat & t-shirt game.
It turns out the blueprint came to the Giants courtesy of Eli's big brother, who was allegedly caught doctoring a package of DoubleStuffers by a representative of Kraft Foods during a recent promotional shoot for their campaign featuring the Mannings.
Grace NiMini, a 2nd year Oreo Cookie intern, has issued a statement implicating big brother Goober Manning in the plot to hand down the Lombardi trophy to his younger sibling rather than returning it to it's rightful owners at the February 3rd Superbowl in Glendale Arizona.
"I saw Peyton using Sony's new HD laser incription technology to burn the blueprint into the creme filling of the DoubleStuffers.", Nimini said. "When I asked him what was going on he said he was just using it to 'shoot the game'--whatever that means."
When approached by the Intern, Nimini claims Manning became visibly frustrated, hanging his head and flailing his arms in an apparent effort to deflect attention from what he was really doing.
At the insistance of league officials the younger Manning turned over the cookies for examination by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. When reached for comment, Goodell denied the cookies contained evidence of tampering and said they had been destroyed. Luckily, Fox Sport's Jay Glazer obtained a transcript of the laser inscription prior to the evidence being licked clean.
Here, in short, is the ONLY true blueprint in existence for defeating the Patriots in a hat & t-shirt game:
Dear Eli,
Listen carefully. They're definitely beatable. Here's what you gotta do to pull it off. Do exactly as I say...
1. Have the commissioner change the SB venue from Glendale to the RCA Dome in Indy.
2. Reroute the Pats flight plan to include a grueling cross country jaunt on short rest before sending them back to Indy.
3. Distribute the flu virus via crop dusters onto their practice field a few days before the big game.
4. Hire Jeff Gillooley to break Junior's arm and Rodney's knee prior to kickoff.
5. Set the indoor climate control zone on the visitors side of the field to 115 degrees.
6. Jam the radio frequency on the visitors coach to QB communication.
7. Turn up the artificial crowd noise to 100 decibals while their offense is on the field. Turn it up to 150 decibals on key third downs.
8. Bribe the officials to flag Ellis Hobbs for Pass Interference on all pass plays in the endzone or for those of more than 20 yards.
Little brother, even if you do all this, they'll still be in a position to beat you at the end so you'll need a few breaks too. A twelve men in the huddle penalty and a wrong route running assignment on 3rd and short worked for me.
Well, that's the blueprint. It's been done only one time in a hat & t-shirt game. But I'm living proof it CAN be done. Good luck.
your big bro,
Goober
It turns out the blueprint came to the Giants courtesy of Eli's big brother, who was allegedly caught doctoring a package of DoubleStuffers by a representative of Kraft Foods during a recent promotional shoot for their campaign featuring the Mannings.
Grace NiMini, a 2nd year Oreo Cookie intern, has issued a statement implicating big brother Goober Manning in the plot to hand down the Lombardi trophy to his younger sibling rather than returning it to it's rightful owners at the February 3rd Superbowl in Glendale Arizona.
"I saw Peyton using Sony's new HD laser incription technology to burn the blueprint into the creme filling of the DoubleStuffers.", Nimini said. "When I asked him what was going on he said he was just using it to 'shoot the game'--whatever that means."
When approached by the Intern, Nimini claims Manning became visibly frustrated, hanging his head and flailing his arms in an apparent effort to deflect attention from what he was really doing.
At the insistance of league officials the younger Manning turned over the cookies for examination by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. When reached for comment, Goodell denied the cookies contained evidence of tampering and said they had been destroyed. Luckily, Fox Sport's Jay Glazer obtained a transcript of the laser inscription prior to the evidence being licked clean.
Here, in short, is the ONLY true blueprint in existence for defeating the Patriots in a hat & t-shirt game:
Dear Eli,
Listen carefully. They're definitely beatable. Here's what you gotta do to pull it off. Do exactly as I say...
1. Have the commissioner change the SB venue from Glendale to the RCA Dome in Indy.
2. Reroute the Pats flight plan to include a grueling cross country jaunt on short rest before sending them back to Indy.
3. Distribute the flu virus via crop dusters onto their practice field a few days before the big game.
4. Hire Jeff Gillooley to break Junior's arm and Rodney's knee prior to kickoff.
5. Set the indoor climate control zone on the visitors side of the field to 115 degrees.
6. Jam the radio frequency on the visitors coach to QB communication.
7. Turn up the artificial crowd noise to 100 decibals while their offense is on the field. Turn it up to 150 decibals on key third downs.
8. Bribe the officials to flag Ellis Hobbs for Pass Interference on all pass plays in the endzone or for those of more than 20 yards.
Little brother, even if you do all this, they'll still be in a position to beat you at the end so you'll need a few breaks too. A twelve men in the huddle penalty and a wrong route running assignment on 3rd and short worked for me.
Well, that's the blueprint. It's been done only one time in a hat & t-shirt game. But I'm living proof it CAN be done. Good luck.
your big bro,
Goober
