1. The Patriots are too old. We know this. Yes, I know their D-
line's average age is just 26.7 years of age, and their starting RB is
just 22. Yes, I know their top 4 wide receivers' average age is
27.8. Yes, I know that their top 2 cornerbacks are 27 and 24 (average
age: 25.5). Yes, I know their offensive line's average age is 28.2.
I mean, these guys are *ANCIENT*. I mean, look, they have Bruschi,
Seau, and Harrison....old, old, old men. Their experience counts for
nothing. Harrison's INT to seal the game this past week was
lucky...old men do not make that play and luck is the only
explanation. Oh, and for crying out loud, their QB is 30 - how will
he ever make the plays. Ok, so the Pats are way too old to compete
with the youth and energy of San Diego.
2. Their QB doesn't make nearly as many plays as Philip Rivers or
Billy Volek. Did you see those guys against Indy yesterday?
Unbelievable. No way Brady makes that many good throws. He (Brady)
is a product of the system and if left to his own devices has no
prayer of completing, say, 26 out of 28 passes. No chance.
3. The Pats' O-line is doomed. No chance of stopping the Chargers'
pass rush. I mean, Merriman had two sacks by himself in the first
game. Yes, I know that the rest of the Chargers had zero, and that
New England still scored 38 points, but come on. It will be different
this time. No chance to run and less chance they'll be able to
protect Brady. He'll be running for his life, and, since we've
established that he's really, really old (Unitas-like old), he won't
be able to flee successfully. Put San Diego down for at least 7 sacks
and 20 QB pressures.
4. LaDanian Tomlinson is by far the best player on the planet and
he'll singlehandedly (if for some unknown and inexplicable reason
Rivers/Volek don't do it) put up 35 points. He'll run for 3 scores,
catch another one, and even throw for one. 300 total yards of offense
and 5 touchdowns for LT. Mark it down. He cannot be stopped by
anyone, especially the old, slow (did we say old) Patriots defense.
The fast, young Colts couldn't stop him; why should we believe that
the old, slow Patriots defense (did I mention they're old?) can. Zero
chance. In fact, 41 points for the Chargers seems like an
understatement because of reason #5.
5. Antonio Cromartie is the best defensive player in the
world....maybe even better than Shawne Merriman. Cromartie will have
at least 3 interceptions and will likely return one (maybe even two)
for touchdowns. So make the final score 49-17. Maybe New England
won't even score that many, because the Chargers possess the greatest
defense on planet earth. I mean, never mind that San Diego ranked #14
in yards allowed (320.3) while the old, slow, overrated Patriots
defense ranked #4 (288.3). Never mind that San Diego gave up an
average of 17.8 points per game while New England's old, slow defense
gave up 17.1. The Patriots were obviously lucky while the Chargers
were dominating.
6. The coaching is a total mismatch. Belichick cheats to win. Norv
Turner is a football genius. How many coaches can actually summon up
the game plan to beat Indianapolis? Not many. Yes, I know Indy is
7-7 in the playoffs under Dungy, but that doesn't mean anything. Yes,
I know that Indy has lost its last *three* home games in the
divisional round, but that shouldn't be the case because, next to
Turner, Tony Dungy is the greatest football mind in the world. The
only coach able to outsmart Dungy is Norv Turner. You see Turner's
playoff record? 3-1, baby. That's 75%. I know Belichick's record in
the playoffs is 14-3 (82.4%), but that's largely based on (a) the
lucky Tuck Rule, and (b) he must have been cheating. The three Super
Bowl rings as a head coach, and several more as an assistant are due
to the other coaches around him. That and luck and cheating. Without
luck, cheating, and the other coaches, he isn't even qualified to be
running a Pop Warner team. Big edge to San Diego.
7. The home field advantage clearly favors the Chargers. New England
is only 9-0 in Foxboro this year and Brady's lifetime playoff record
at home is 7-0. All the product of luck and cheating, obviously. The
Chargers, meanwhile, compiled an awesome 4-4 road record during the
season against the league's heavyweights. And they went to
Indianapolis and won - have I mentioned that beating Indy in
Indianapolis during the divisional round is a rarity? Because the
temperature will be cold, it will favor San Diego. The Chargers are
built for the cold not because they practice and play in sunny, 80-
degree San Diego, and not because they will have had three cross-
country flights in the span of a week, but because they can run and
have LT, the greatest player since Antonio Cromartie and Billy Volek.
New England, because they like to pass, is not built for the cold
weather, even though they practice and play in New England, and are
24-2 in Foxboro in December and January (you know, the cold months)
since 2001. Clearly, when the temperature drops, New England will
have problems while San Diego, despite spending the entire season in
tropical conditions, will be pumped and jacked (to quote another great
southern California coach...almost on par with Norv Turner).
8. Motivation is clearly with the Chargers. After all, the Patriots
went to sunny San Diego, where the conditions clearly favored the
Patriots, being a pass-happy, warm-weather team, last year and got
lucky and won by 3. Then this year, they lucked out again by playing
San Diego in New England when it was warm. The 38-14 score was
totally misleading as they were coming off the cheating scandal and
were reaping the rewards of the 6 minutes of Jets' footage that was
promptly destroyed by the commissioner. The Chargers are more
motivated for sure. New England, having completed a 16-0 regular
season, the greatest (and luckiest...let's be honest) regular season
in history, are clearly complacent now. How else do you explain their
lackluster 11 point win over a pathetic Jaguars team? Yes, I know the
Jaguars beat SD 24-17 earlier in the year, but that, too, was lucky.
Totally satisfied with their season, the Patriots will come out flat
and uninspired. They don't care about winning the Super Bowl, having
won 3 of them already. And really, they've said all season long they
don't care about going 19-0, so why wouldn't we believe them? Very
little motivation to go down as the greatest team in the league's
history, because deep down they know they only got there because of
luck and cheating. Meanwhile, San Diego, coming off an unbelievably
impressive win in Indy, where nobody ever goes and wins during the
divisional round (have I mentioned how improbable that is?), and
looking for revenge for the last two beatings at the hands of these
Patriots, will be fired up and ready to go.
In all, get ready to see Shawne Merriman do his sack dance, Antonio
Cromartie intercept every Brady pass, LT put up 5 TD, and the Chargers
advance to the Super Bowl. Mark it down: 49-17.
(PS - I posted this originally at a.s.f.p.n)
line's average age is just 26.7 years of age, and their starting RB is
just 22. Yes, I know their top 4 wide receivers' average age is
27.8. Yes, I know that their top 2 cornerbacks are 27 and 24 (average
age: 25.5). Yes, I know their offensive line's average age is 28.2.
I mean, these guys are *ANCIENT*. I mean, look, they have Bruschi,
Seau, and Harrison....old, old, old men. Their experience counts for
nothing. Harrison's INT to seal the game this past week was
lucky...old men do not make that play and luck is the only
explanation. Oh, and for crying out loud, their QB is 30 - how will
he ever make the plays. Ok, so the Pats are way too old to compete
with the youth and energy of San Diego.
2. Their QB doesn't make nearly as many plays as Philip Rivers or
Billy Volek. Did you see those guys against Indy yesterday?
Unbelievable. No way Brady makes that many good throws. He (Brady)
is a product of the system and if left to his own devices has no
prayer of completing, say, 26 out of 28 passes. No chance.
3. The Pats' O-line is doomed. No chance of stopping the Chargers'
pass rush. I mean, Merriman had two sacks by himself in the first
game. Yes, I know that the rest of the Chargers had zero, and that
New England still scored 38 points, but come on. It will be different
this time. No chance to run and less chance they'll be able to
protect Brady. He'll be running for his life, and, since we've
established that he's really, really old (Unitas-like old), he won't
be able to flee successfully. Put San Diego down for at least 7 sacks
and 20 QB pressures.
4. LaDanian Tomlinson is by far the best player on the planet and
he'll singlehandedly (if for some unknown and inexplicable reason
Rivers/Volek don't do it) put up 35 points. He'll run for 3 scores,
catch another one, and even throw for one. 300 total yards of offense
and 5 touchdowns for LT. Mark it down. He cannot be stopped by
anyone, especially the old, slow (did we say old) Patriots defense.
The fast, young Colts couldn't stop him; why should we believe that
the old, slow Patriots defense (did I mention they're old?) can. Zero
chance. In fact, 41 points for the Chargers seems like an
understatement because of reason #5.
5. Antonio Cromartie is the best defensive player in the
world....maybe even better than Shawne Merriman. Cromartie will have
at least 3 interceptions and will likely return one (maybe even two)
for touchdowns. So make the final score 49-17. Maybe New England
won't even score that many, because the Chargers possess the greatest
defense on planet earth. I mean, never mind that San Diego ranked #14
in yards allowed (320.3) while the old, slow, overrated Patriots
defense ranked #4 (288.3). Never mind that San Diego gave up an
average of 17.8 points per game while New England's old, slow defense
gave up 17.1. The Patriots were obviously lucky while the Chargers
were dominating.
6. The coaching is a total mismatch. Belichick cheats to win. Norv
Turner is a football genius. How many coaches can actually summon up
the game plan to beat Indianapolis? Not many. Yes, I know Indy is
7-7 in the playoffs under Dungy, but that doesn't mean anything. Yes,
I know that Indy has lost its last *three* home games in the
divisional round, but that shouldn't be the case because, next to
Turner, Tony Dungy is the greatest football mind in the world. The
only coach able to outsmart Dungy is Norv Turner. You see Turner's
playoff record? 3-1, baby. That's 75%. I know Belichick's record in
the playoffs is 14-3 (82.4%), but that's largely based on (a) the
lucky Tuck Rule, and (b) he must have been cheating. The three Super
Bowl rings as a head coach, and several more as an assistant are due
to the other coaches around him. That and luck and cheating. Without
luck, cheating, and the other coaches, he isn't even qualified to be
running a Pop Warner team. Big edge to San Diego.
7. The home field advantage clearly favors the Chargers. New England
is only 9-0 in Foxboro this year and Brady's lifetime playoff record
at home is 7-0. All the product of luck and cheating, obviously. The
Chargers, meanwhile, compiled an awesome 4-4 road record during the
season against the league's heavyweights. And they went to
Indianapolis and won - have I mentioned that beating Indy in
Indianapolis during the divisional round is a rarity? Because the
temperature will be cold, it will favor San Diego. The Chargers are
built for the cold not because they practice and play in sunny, 80-
degree San Diego, and not because they will have had three cross-
country flights in the span of a week, but because they can run and
have LT, the greatest player since Antonio Cromartie and Billy Volek.
New England, because they like to pass, is not built for the cold
weather, even though they practice and play in New England, and are
24-2 in Foxboro in December and January (you know, the cold months)
since 2001. Clearly, when the temperature drops, New England will
have problems while San Diego, despite spending the entire season in
tropical conditions, will be pumped and jacked (to quote another great
southern California coach...almost on par with Norv Turner).
8. Motivation is clearly with the Chargers. After all, the Patriots
went to sunny San Diego, where the conditions clearly favored the
Patriots, being a pass-happy, warm-weather team, last year and got
lucky and won by 3. Then this year, they lucked out again by playing
San Diego in New England when it was warm. The 38-14 score was
totally misleading as they were coming off the cheating scandal and
were reaping the rewards of the 6 minutes of Jets' footage that was
promptly destroyed by the commissioner. The Chargers are more
motivated for sure. New England, having completed a 16-0 regular
season, the greatest (and luckiest...let's be honest) regular season
in history, are clearly complacent now. How else do you explain their
lackluster 11 point win over a pathetic Jaguars team? Yes, I know the
Jaguars beat SD 24-17 earlier in the year, but that, too, was lucky.
Totally satisfied with their season, the Patriots will come out flat
and uninspired. They don't care about winning the Super Bowl, having
won 3 of them already. And really, they've said all season long they
don't care about going 19-0, so why wouldn't we believe them? Very
little motivation to go down as the greatest team in the league's
history, because deep down they know they only got there because of
luck and cheating. Meanwhile, San Diego, coming off an unbelievably
impressive win in Indy, where nobody ever goes and wins during the
divisional round (have I mentioned how improbable that is?), and
looking for revenge for the last two beatings at the hands of these
Patriots, will be fired up and ready to go.
In all, get ready to see Shawne Merriman do his sack dance, Antonio
Cromartie intercept every Brady pass, LT put up 5 TD, and the Chargers
advance to the Super Bowl. Mark it down: 49-17.
(PS - I posted this originally at a.s.f.p.n)
