8. That's not how business works. The NFL doesn't get to do a hit and run with companies like Pepsi. The contracts aren't permanent. They have to do business with these companies again and have been doing business for decades.
Scene -- INT; a dirty bathroom. Loud noises; crowds cheering. A middle age man in a suit is hunched on the floor, next to urine and dirty beer cups.
"Hey, Stevie, do you know who this is?
Yeah, hi Roger, why aren’t you watching the game?
Nooo! Don’t use my name. Listen, you call me “Eagle.”
Uh, ok, Rog. I mean, Eagle. Where are you?
I had to sneak out of my box. I’m locked in to the family restroom, so I could call you. Did you just see the Ravens return that kick?
Yeah, that was amazing – 108 yards. I think that’s a record for the Super Bowl.
Amazing my butt. This is a blow out.
A blow out? There’s an entire half left and it’s a three-score game.
No, no, we can’t have this.
Can’t have what? You want the 49ers to win.
Yeah, no, I don't know. We can't have a blow out!
Rog, er, Eagle, it’s not a blow out. The 49ers are good. Just see what happens. What’s the problem with a blow out anyway?
The game needs to be close.
Why?
So we’ll make money.
You realize that many super bowls in history are blowouts. Yet it’s become one of the greatest televised live events in the world. People love the super bowl. The score is only relevant to the hardcores any way -- they are all at parties and stuff. They stay until its over. Young hipsters is who we want, and they are not score dependent. Just get their eyeballs, as they say.
But what about the advertisers who paid millions for fourth quarter commercials?
Eagle, remember that super bowl commercials are sold in packages. You have a minimum buy in unless you're grandfathered like Go Daddy – and then you get a package of slots that even out the risk with respect to the time of the game and the situation. It’s genius really – that’s how they make money even for the halftime slots. Plus, who cares? That’s the networks’ problem not ours.
But we need the networks to keep paying us.
Rog, we signed long-term deals in 2011 with all the nets worth 27 billion dollars. Don’t worry about it.
No, no, Pepsi is going to get mad. I don’t want Pepsi to be mad at us.
Rog, they are not going to be mad. They sell that crap by the gallon after the super bowl. Plus, it’s about brand awareness. And, don’t forget, it doesn’t matter when your ad runs, because every internet outlet in the world replays the super bowl ads and gets tens of millions more eyeballs after the game. Also, do you realize that 30 second slots for the super bowl have gone up over 400 percent in a decade?
No, we need this game to be close. I don't care what it takes.
Well, hopefully the 49ers will rally.
I was thinking of something a little more, say, interventionist.
Like what?
Look, get your butt down to the French Quarter and find some crack addict with a wrench. Tell him where the transformer is and put him to work.
What?
You heard me.
But, Rog . . . Eagle, that will mean a television delay. People will turn the channel. It could be a disaster. What if it takes too long to fix. Then you’d really be creating a problem. Won’t that make Pepsi more mad. What if they can't fix it until tomorrow. Superbowl Monday? Now you're starting to talk about stuff that actually could get expensive.
Just have him hit it softly with the wrench. Not too hard.
Rog, we can’t do that. Plus, how do you know that will even change the game? What if there’s an hour delay, and then the Ravens score again.
No, this will help the 49ers. That’s obvious. Everyone can see it. Do your job."
