The Buffalo Bills are the worst run organization in football and have been every since John Butler left.
You've gotta start wondering when a regime change is coming. I mean, come on now! Here is a typical year for Buffalo.
January- End of another miserable season, but much hope for the future.
February- Bills decide to keep most of management in tact, despite the UN threatening sanctions. Jim Kelly threatens buy a television network with a 24/7 loop of Buffalo's four Super Bowl losses. Thurman Thomas begins a hunger strike outside the Ralph, trying himself to a tree, but abandons it once he realizes he's fat and hungry.
March- Management gets kicked in balls by a bunch of thug players who diss them and humiliate them by forcing them to wear pantyhose, proclaiming that these fans deserve better. They walk out of the office and spit on pudgy, senile pile stacked up the wall.
April- Management recovers from their testicle injuries, but unfortunately have been reading books about religion and science, and haven't really followed the draft. Their scouts harry into the hospital, hair-tussled and red-faced, to ask permission to talk to Jeff George.
Late April- Players and fans start getting excited about some great draft picks. Management has decided that JP Losman + Trent Edwards is better than Tom Brady, based on combined passer rating.
Draft Day- Bills kick fans and players in the balls by reaching for a guy that they could get in round 3, while letting potential franchise builders get away. Two high-profile quarterbacks walk past their table and say "what's up b1tches?" They also give away their next three #2 picks for the Patriots' 4th and 7th this year. Belichick, though, threatens to kill the deal at the last minute before the Bills throw in a first-rounder to sweeten the pot. Ralph Wilson extends his hand to Belichick, who grabs his hand, slaps him in face, and proceeds to kick him in the balls, followed by ball kicking from multiple owners, General Managers, media members, fans, vendors, and finally, a last kick by Scott Norwood that goes wide right.
Post-Draft Day- After waking up from their blackout Johnny Walker hangover and hearing about their silly draft, the scouts and coaches collectively take turns kicking each other in the balls, using wooden clogs. They also hire some karate experts for better leverage on the ball kicking.
May. Humiliated by their past year, the Bills hire another one-dimensional offensive coordinator to fix their problems. They tell the players that he will bite your finger off if you look at him directly in the eye. They warn that he loves to play games with the film, and never touch his film. The new coach spends weeks alone in his office with the lights out, a glow in the dark wand, and 400 packages of Twizzlers.
July. Training camp begins and the Bills players kick each other in the balls for two weeks. They believe this will make the team tougher, so they don't allow footballs at the sessions.
August. On the second week of training camp, the general manager listens to a radio call about a 16-year linebacker who "still has something in the tank." He flies him in the next day and signs him to a 5-year, 77M, fully guaranteed contract. The player thanks him, places his cleat on his right foot, and kicks the general manager, coach, owner, and publicist, and trainer in the balls.
Late August. By third week of preseason, all the Bills draft picks suck, but they are better than the garbage heap around them, so some pundits start praising their draft. Management gets wrecked for two weeks, celebrating their coup.
September. The regular season begins. The Patriots kick the Bills in the balls.
December. The regular season ends. The Patriots kicks the Bills in the balls. Then they punch them in face. During the post-game handshake, Belichick has Doug Flutie dropkick the Bills' coach in the balls.
Recycle from the top of the post to see what happens next year.
