Top positional prospects by name only

[patchick]

Years ago, Mr. Patchick and I participated in a weekly football pool with 10 other participants. Most of us pored over team stats and strengths each week, but not Mr. Patchick. Having no interest in football, he chose by team names: "Raiders vs. 'Seahawks'? There's a team called the 'Seahawks'? No chance." "Come on, a Lion would totally eat a Cardinal." Etc. By the end of the season, Mr. Patchick was the pool champion by a huge margin.

In that spirit, I've selected the top prospects at each position based solely on suitability of name. Check back in three years to see if this group does any worse than our actual mocks.

QB: Stephen McGee
RB: Jeremiah Johnson
FB: Travis McCall
TE: Bear Pascoe
WR: Darius Passmore
C: Max Unger
OT: Phil Loadholt
OG: Duke Robinson
K: Sam Swank

DE: Stryker Sulak
DT: Ron Brace
ILB: Rey Maualuga
OLB: Clay Matthews
CB: Jairus Byrd
FS: C.J. Spillman
SS: Chip Vaughn
P: Tom Morstead

 

[dryheat44]

Years ago, Mr. Patchick and I participated in a weekly football pool with 10 other participants. Most of us pored over team stats and strengths each week, but not Mr. Patchick. Having no interest in football, he chose by team names: "Raiders vs. 'Seahawks'? There's a team called the 'Seahawks'? No chance." "Come on, a Lion would totally eat a Cardinal." Etc. By the end of the season, Mr. Patchick was the pool champion by a huge margin.

In that spirit, I've selected the top prospects at each position based solely on suitability of name. Check back in three years to see if this group does any worse than our actual mocks.

QB: Stephen McGee
RB: Jeremiah Johnson
FB: Travis McCall
TE: Bear Pascoe
WR: Darius Passmore
C: Max Unger
OT: Phil Loadholt
OG: Duke Robinson
K: Sam Swank

DE: Stryker Sulak
DT: Ron Brace
ILB: Rey Maualuga
OLB: Clay Matthews
CB: Jairus Byrd
FS: C.J. Spillman
SS: Chip Vaughn
P: Tom Morstead

End-Zone decorater - Curtis Painter
Locker Room Bench repair - Rudy Carpenter
Jacksonville Jaguar fashion consultant - Mike Teel
Designated coin-toss caller - Captain Munnerlyn
VP in charge of tailgaiting - London Fryar
Team valet - Anthony Parker

Will lay off the obvious Kevin Fitzhugh joke.

ehhh, I've got to get to a meeting. But seriously, why Stephen McGee over Tom Brandstater or Chase Holbrook? Why Max Unger over Eric Wood?

Oh well, fun diversions...

 

[patchick]

EBut seriously, why Stephen McGee over Tom Brandstater or Chase Holbrook? Why Max Unger over Eric Wood?

Yeah, some tough decisions had to be made. The QB name field is very weak overall, while the center position is stacked with the likes of Mack, Unger and Wood.

Bonus stat: Half of the QBs ranked #23-30 are named Chase, but none of the higher ranked QBs. Does this point to a renewed focus on classic pocket passers over athletic scramblers?

 

[upstater1]

Jeremiah Johnson is pretty blah when compared to Knowshon Moreno or Lesean McCoy.

 

[Clonamery]

Jeremiah Johnson is pretty blah when compared to Knowshon Moreno or Lesean McCoy.

Depends if his nickname is "Bullfrog."

 

[bakes781]

Honorable Mention:

QB: Curtis Painter
RB: (tie)Chris Ogbonnaya/Marlon Lucky
FB: Fui Vakapuna
TE: Devin Frischknecht
WR: Mohamed Massaquoi
C: Jonathan Luigs
OT: Fenuki Tupou
OG: Paul Fanaika
K: Swayze Waters

DE: (tie)Pannel Egboh/Neefy Moffett
DT: Marlon Favorite
ILB: Michael Tauiliili
OLB: Moise Fokou
CB: Captain Munnerlyn
FS: Darcel McBath
SS: Al Afalava
P: Britton Colquitt

 

[Mike the Brit]

I think Frantz Joseph is a great name for a football player.

(From Wikipedia: Franz Josef Land, Franz Joseph Land, or Francis Joseph's Land (Russ. Земля Франца-Иосифа, Zemlya Frantsa-Iosifa) is an archipelago located in the far north of Russia. It is found in the Arctic Ocean north of Novaya Zemlya and east of Svalbard, and is administered by Arkhangelsk Oblast. Franz Josef Land consists of 191 ice-covered islands with a total area of 16,134 km². It has no native inhabitants.)