Mods, feel free to move this is its necessary, just trying to lighten the mood around here a bit.
We all know the issues surrounding the current replacement referees in the NFL. But I don’t blame them for what has happened this season, they simply don’t have the experience and are not prepared for the big time. So I think instead of bringing these guys up from the lower levels of football refereeing (DIII, Lingerie Football League), we should be trying to get some of the top officials from other sports who have experience in the big time. Sure they may not know the rules, but either do these refs. So here is my replacement Refs Dream Team.
Umpire- ‘Big’ John McCarthy (Mixed Martial Arts)
This is the most dangerous of the NFL officiating positions being right up near the action. So you want someone who isn’t afraid to get right in there, make a tough call, look out for player safety and not be intimidated. So why not get the guy that keeps the toughest athletes in the world in check. He will keep it clean, keep it fair and when the time comes he’ll be yelling “Let’s get it on”.
Head Linesman- Jim Joyce (MLB)
Sure Jim Joyce may have screwed up Armando Gallaraga’s perfect game with a call just as bad as the Golden Tate Touchdown. But that was when he didn’t have instant replay. If he did have instant replay he would have made that call as perfectly as Gallaraga pitched the game.
Line Judge- Linesman Abused by Serena Williams (Tennis)
I don’t know her name, but she can certainly make the tough calls. And if she can stand up to the abuse Serena threw at her, there is nothing any NFL player can do to intimidate her.
Back Judge- Stephen Walkom (NHL)
Walkom has arguably contributed more to Hockey than any other official. And while he is one of the top officials in the NHL, they are currently in a lockout so he should have some free time. A respected official with experience on and off the ice, he has shown an ability to adapt. So taking on an entirely new sport in a short amount of time should be easy for him. Learning to skate on turf though may be a bigger challenge.
Field Judge- Joey Crawford (NBA)
One of the most experienced and strict officials in the NBA, Crawford would ensure no players take advantage of these replacement refs. He’s not afraid of an altercation and has a history of getting into it with big name players. He will keep players, coaches and officials in line (or challenge them to a fight in the parking lot after the game)
Side Judge- Kenny Bayless (Boxing)
If you have never heard of Kenny Bayless there is a reason for that, he is the best. He is so good he almost seems invisible in the ring. He has refereed all of the biggest fights and has always remained consistent, professional and controversy free. Just like in boxing he will let the players go at it and only intervene when necessary, but always step in at the perfect time. No jokes here, this guy is really good (but that pic always cracks me up)
And for the Head referee you need someone that is cool under pressure, is well versed in the rules and is able to articulate rulings for both the teams and the fans. So who better than…
Referee- Jacques Bailly (Scripps National Spelling Bee)
This guy clearly knows his stuff, has performed on the biggest stage on ESPN and will be able to explain a penalty better than any of the ‘real’ refs before him.
“The Penalty on the offensive team is Holding. Holding.
Meaning: the act of a person or thing that holds.
There are no alternate pronounciations
Place of Origin: NFL Rule Book, Rule 12: Player Conduct. Section 1: Blocking, Use of Hands, Arms, and Body. Article 2. “An offensive player cannot obstruct or impede an opponent by grasping him with his hands or encircling any part of a defender’s body with his arms”
Used in a sentence: “Rob Gronkowski was called for a Holding penalty against Arizona.
Penalty on the offensive team: loss of 10 yards