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I saw this a couple of years ago I think but it's still funny
Quote:
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 1, 2010
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Quote:
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 2, 2010
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Quote:
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 3, 2010
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
Quote:
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 4, 2010
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Quote:
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 5, 2010
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The ****** from H*ll!!!
Quote:
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 8, 2010
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rdoff with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
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Edit. is anyone having trouble with this forum? It's acting funny. Sometimes it goes to some wrerd interface and sometimes I can't see posts only to see them return later
Last edited by PatsWSB47; 12-23-2010 at 09:39 AM..
Edit. is anyone having trouble with this forum? It's acting funny. Sometimes it goes to some wrerd interface and sometimes I can't see posts only to see them return later
You didn't see the company memo regarding posting Christmas jokes? It said they may be removed depending upon any complaints.
__________________ "No one walking this earth knows what is truly righteous"
I think we all knew it didn't actually happen. Nor does it contain any real-life issues. Christmas parties are what they are...CHRISTMAS parties.
Not at my company. We are pretty diverse so we just celebrate the holidays. Our CEO, CTO, various directors, and a slew of managers and engineers are not Christian. We have a holiday party during the winter and worship the devil during summer solstice and everybody's happy. We even celebrate other holidays like Diwali, and that's pretty cool.
It's like people think Christmas is not included in the holidays, or that it's the only winter holiday. You're just being a hegemony troll, PR, and it's not even funny or clever.
By the way, are you the same PatriotReign who trolls JetsInsider? That guy is pretty funny so if you are you should show more of it over here.
Last edited by apple strudel; 12-23-2010 at 10:52 AM..
Funny, but a good reminder that most people like being the wet blanket because it gives them the kind of attention they fail to get elsewhere in their insular lives.
I'm Jewish, and when someone says Merry Christmas, I just say thank you. I realize they're not trying to start the next Holocaust. I guess I only get outraged at issues that actually demand outrage.
I would say Happy Hanukkah, but it's over now, so go **** yourself
__________________
We get what we deserve.
------------------ “On a day when they could have had impact players David Terrell or Koren Robinson..they took Georgia defensive tackle Richard Seymour, who had 1 sacks last season in the pass-happy SEC and is too tall to play tackle at 6-6 and too slow to play defensive end. This genius move was followed by trading out of a spot where they could have gotten the last decent receiver in Robert Ferguson and settled for tackle Matt Light, who will not help any time soon.”
Funny, but a good reminder that most people like being the wet blanket because it gives them the kind of attention they fail to get elsewhere in their insular lives.
Except this isn't happening at all. Not even a good troll, either.
Except this isn't happening at all. Not even a good troll, either.
I was talking about the OP, and that's why I said it was funny. Of course I realize it's a joke piece. I've seen this bit before, though I've experienced a similar, albeit less dramatic, version of this. The best jokes and urban legends have a kernel of truth to them.
I'm not sure if the troll remark was about me, but I just post in here for laughs. Hell, I strive to make my whole existence on Patsfans.com for fun really.
__________________
We get what we deserve.
------------------ “On a day when they could have had impact players David Terrell or Koren Robinson..they took Georgia defensive tackle Richard Seymour, who had 1 sacks last season in the pass-happy SEC and is too tall to play tackle at 6-6 and too slow to play defensive end. This genius move was followed by trading out of a spot where they could have gotten the last decent receiver in Robert Ferguson and settled for tackle Matt Light, who will not help any time soon.”
Holiday Company Memo
Linear Mode
