Turk

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another,
and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone --
"to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One
evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She
spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I
could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office
dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you
don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave
me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the
boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking... . ".

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But
Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip
aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors
don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears
of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional
drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I
headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the
parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They
didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher
Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy
thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It
comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a
TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since
the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think
the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.


Today I took the final step............ I joined the
Republican Party and now I agree
with President Bush that a $300 billion deficit is quite an
economic accomplishment!

Turk

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his poll standings.

Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Katrina, and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush showed up for the sermon and the Bishop began: "I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President. George Bush is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money,causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth.

He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country, and a greater gap between rich and poor, than we've had since the Depression.

He instituted illegal wiretaps when getting a warrant from a secret court would have been a mere administrative detail, had his henchmen lie to Congress about it, then claimed he is above the law. He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 Trillion, gas prices are up 85%, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from some religious kooks.

He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known. But compared to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, George Bush is a saint.

Turd Furguson

Oh I get it, a joke to espouse your continuing theory that Bush is bad. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

QuiGon

Go ahead and bash Bush all you want but, for the love of God, please try not to do it with 10 year old jokes that have simply been recycled with new names.

IcyPatriot

I still wait for the 1st Bush basher who comes out and says they want to go live in Syria, Iran, Iraq, China, North Korea ...just to name a few. I still don't understand how a country so bad has people beating upon it's borders to get in? ?

Patters

I don't think Iraq belongs on that list. Bush made it into an ally, remember. I'd consider living in China. Now, tell us, would you consider living in Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, or Iraq?

And what do you mean you're still waiting? Did you ever ask?

ELOrocks17

Sounds more like Bishop NEM

Harry Boy

Oh *****


Imagine Gore/Kerry trying to handle all the stuff that is going on in the world today, Muslims would be blowing up malls in Baltimore and Al Gore would be out counting "smoke-stacks", John Fonda Kerry would be "surfboarding" with Walter Dongkite.

Give me some men who are stout hearted men.

ELOrocks17

Yes...its sad that Clinton squandered Regans legacy of zero tollerance on terrorism...sad indeed. Clinton should be LEGALLY brought up on treason charges.

Harry Boy

9/11
Clinton had eight years
Bush had eight months

Who do the Sore Loser Haters blame