Pujo

I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush

Terry Jones
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer


I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

Turk

LOL.
This is a classic.
I remember reading it a while back, and it is still just as funny.
Thanks Pujo.

All_Around_Brown

That is the basis of the Bush foreign policy. No wonder Iran is trying hard to get nukes, they see this insane man threatening to invade them on the premise that they might be a threat to their neighbors.

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PatsFanInEaglesLand

Now you are defending Iran? Is that the morning edict from MoveOn? F--ck you guys how can you even look at an American flag again, of course in your case you would probably have a zippo in the other hand.

Iran is GOOD USA is BAD

Pujo

Jumping on someone and calling them a traitor for even suggesting a rationale for Iran is petty & closed minded. I happen to disagree 100% with AAB's justification, but that doesn't make him anti-American.

When Lawrence Summers (president of Harvard) made some comments about studying if there is a possible difference in aptitude between men and women, femenists jumped on him like he had just suggested banning women at the university. They couldn't even have a discussion about it without calling him sexist. This is the same thing - we should be able to discuss things without being branded a traitor.

All_Around_Brown

Its all this moron has left in his arsenal. He can't debate issues, so thats all he does is attack other posters. I exposed him as a liar and a fraud and now he's trying hard to smear me. It is a typical MO for this ahole.

You on the other hand have a difference of opinion and you and I can argue without the anti-american hysterical rhetoric that that dirtbag uses daily (see I can throw out names too, its really easy with keyboard courage).

I'd be more than happy to debate with you why it is that Iran has accelerated their drive for nuclear weapons. It begins with the simple fact that their defenseless neighbor Iraq was routed in an unprovoked attack, coupled with the Bush rhetoric of the axis of evil. Afghanistan is also occupied. Its very simple, really. If they don't have a deterrent, what is there to stop us from blowing them away tommorrow (some are already saying we go in March)? So I wouldn't be surprised if they are fearing for their safety.

What is clear is that Bushs policies are creating enemies faster than we can deal with them. Its happening all over the middle east in response to perceived imperial dominance at the hand of what they see as a madman.

I'm interested in your take Pujo.

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Harry Boy

Tap your neighbors phone, spy on him, then you will know when and where he is planning to kill you, then, you can kill him first.

Pujo

And I can confirm this at my local police station?

Pujo

I don't disagree on your more general points (that Bush is making enemies for us), and even that some of them might decide to stockpile nuclear weapons as a deterrant against the US, but I think specifically this guy from Iran is nuts and would be trying to get nukes now anyway. He was elected as the hardliner in a pretty hardline country, and his rhetoric from the begining has been very fiery (saying that Israel should be blown off the map).

It's tough to know what these people are really thinking, though, since the diplomatic world is such a stage. My guess is if this guy gets nukes, they won't just be for self-defense. I'm also of the opinion that some people you can't reason with, and he might be it.

Harry Boy

Liberal Sore Losing Bush Hating Democrats are hell bent on attacking him for every move he makes, right?

Why don't we hear a peep out of these whack job phony's on the subject of Bush not doing a damn thing about the Smelly Mexican Illegal Criminal Aliens sneaking across our borders daily.

What do the Democrats think about Illegal Aliens, they could crucify Bush on this, but they don't, WHY?