Harry Boy

"Fornicate" means the "F" word I'm not allowed to talk dirty on here.

I buried somebody a couple of months ago:
It's disgusting how much it costs to dig a hole and bury somebody, undertakers are scumbags just like politicians.

I had a friend in Cambridge that was an undertaker, he was a Greek, he told me once If a male member of my family died when I kneel down to pray beside the casket to turn my head to the right until I am able to see the deceased's legs, he said that some undertakers steal the pants from the suit that the family has provided, they give these pants to their own family.

Many people speak to the dead body when they kneel some undertakers have hidden microphones at the head of the casket, the undertaker tapes some of the things the visitors say and then they replay them for their friends while they are all drinking, these are some of the things people say to a dead person.
(remember this the next time you go to a wake)


These are the things that were on the tape my friend gave me (he's dead now)
“Oh dear God, say it isn’t so”
“What the hell did you do with your keys”?
“Oh Mary Mother Of Jesus, you look just like your sleeping”
“They should have closed your coffin, you look like *****"
“Why didn’t the bastards put your glasses on you”
“That’s not how you combed your hair”
“Oh God, we’re all going to miss you so much”
“Nobody will miss you, you rotten son of a b!tch"
“I’m so sorry darling, forgive me, I thought you were having an affair”
“I hope your wife doesn’t find out you were sleeping with me”
“We found your Blow Up Rubber Women”
“So long idiot”
“Thanks, you dirty son of a b!tch"
“I’m moving in with your wife next month, we’re going to Yellowstone in the new Motor Home you just bought, I hope your shirts will fit me”
“Go to hell”
"Rot In Hell"
“Mom told me you weren’t my real father, did you know that”?
“Shove your money up your ass”
“You hit the lottery this morning, the guy that’s been running around with your wife found the ticket under your bed when he was putting his shoes on”
“You dirty Bastard”
"Ha Ha Ha I knew you'd die before me you moron"
"Now what"

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Harry Boy (Genius)

In The Absence Of Law And Order Society Will Surely Destroy Itself

Patters

Harry, even for you that's a really bizarre post. Surreal, almost. At any rate, I'm sorry you had to bury someone. I hope they were dead when you did so. I also hope you didn't take their pants.

And I agree, undertakers can be awful. A few years ago, I went with a woman friend of mine to the undertakers where she had to make arrangements for her husband (who died of alcoholism at the age of 51). They pushed expensive coffins on her, until I asked if they had anything less expensive. It was very awkward at such a sad moment. But still, the service cost her $7000, and she didn't have much money. I remember years ago reading in Ann Landers about a woman who married an undertaker and she asked if it was normal that her husband made her take an ice cold bath before having sex. Ann told her to get the hell out!

Harry Boy

The best thing to do is let a friend handle the business end of it.
That Greek Undertaker friend really did exist I went to high scholl with him, we had some great partys in his funeral home (after viewing hours) I still have a picture of myself in a coffin with a girl, we both squeezed in.

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Harry Boy (Genius)

In The Absence Of Law And Order Society Will Surely Destroy Itself

IcyPatriot

this forum should be lead by Captain Kirk ... it's going where no man has gone before.

Lifer

I wonder what President Obama will do about the undertaking crisis?